My Girlfriend or My lady??

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‘She’s my sister’, ‘No, she’s my cousin’, ‘She’s my girl friend’, ‘Yes, she is my girlfriend’ are statements that reveal that two people share a relationship but the only one that clearly establishes that two couples are in a love relationship is the last statement, ‘She’s my girlfriend’ which can be substituted for ‘She’s my lady’. Most people make mistakes or should I say commit errors while introducing to his friends his woman. The way a lady is introduced or addressed before your friends tells her everything she needs to know about what you think of both of you. To some guys, every girl is either a cousin or a sister. Do you mean like your actual sibling or your missionary sister? This article, however, attempts to explore and critically examine contemporary issues in love relationships especially among the young.

The historical problem of this study lies in the question, ‘How contemporary are the contemporary issues?’ Majority of the reigning trends of the 21st century do not exist for the first time in history. Historical research studies show that these trends, including relationship issues, had existed in the past, but exist now in a modified way. It has also shown that more young boys stay single before marriage than young girls. This is as a result of many factors. People believe that in Nigeria, the man makes the move to woo a woman, not the other way round. The implication of this is that if the man does not make the move even when the lady is willing to listen, there will be no courtship or match-making, no matter how the lady may crush on him. This is because the lady is hedged on all sides by constraint to woo the man. But whether a lady likes it or not, pretty or ugly, shy or bold, a man must make advances to woo her. Proud men who wish to preserve their respect or dignity prefer their pride to be in tact to being smeared in ashes because they desire to win a mistress. This is affirmed by the particular refrain in Phyno’s track titled “Obiagụ” which sings ‘Kama asa ga-awụ m n’ana, mụ achụnaya achụ…’ which translates ‘instead of being insulted by a lady, let me not woo her…’ One boy I know is willing to win a mistress but his faith forbids him. At the end of the day, it is still seen that what most do not do in public to uphold their faith, they do behind the curtains or even turn abnormal. It is not news if I tell you that more men have turned gay or even masturbated because of this constraint.

But there is a more striking issue in love relationship than preservation of dignity or fear of loss of respect. And this problem lies in the question, ‘How do you know a lady is or is not in an affair before you met her?’ This is one problem that appears to be very little yet it has a huge shadow hidden somewhere, just like icebergs in the oceans. Sure you cannot just open up to ask a lady if she has a man for the first time you are meeting her, just like you cannot inquire her blood genotype. This question immediately unfolds to her the dimension you’re headed, friendship or marriage. It’s not right. Women love surprises. Suspense sustains and spices up intimacy. Let me just tell you a story: A young man met a lady and for the first time they met, he thought he loves her. They had a nice time together and exchanged contacts. The man called her almost on daily basis and on one of the calls, he asked the lady out and she accepted. Even before the offer, the man found out that the lady feels free whenever she is with him, she dances, smiles or laughs to whatever he says and leans on his shoulders. On the night of their outing as they were coming out of the restaurant, the lady went to meet another man while her date waited aside for her. The boy recalled that she had received a call as they had their meal and she had told the caller where exactly she was. It shocked him when the lady came back to him and announced that she has to go with the other man whom she called, “my guy”. It turned out, however, that she sees someone else while she has been with this one that just took her out. After all, he didn’t ask. But he cannot ask. This is a problem.

‘A broken heart can be mended but a shattered heart…’ is a statement we hear every day in Africa Magic movies. The fear of being brokenhearted has prevented many from yielding or succumbing to love relationships, especially for people whose heart has been broken before. But the question remains, ‘Whose fault is it, men or women?’ Regarding the answer to this question, I’ve got nothing to say. The tendency of cheating or infidelity is as inevitable as death in any love affair. The moment you think you have seen the woman of your dreams probably because she is undeniably beautiful or elegant, make a move from where you stand and you will see another woman prettier, more elegant and yet younger than she is. You’ll never see a better person if you seek that because what one lacks another possesses and vice versa. The unfaithfulness can come from the man the same way it can come from the woman.

Different persons seek varying desires they intend to gratify or satisfy in every love relationship. But sex is at the centre of them all. Some seek money, some belongingness and protection, some look out for love and many, just sex. It is observed that trouble lays eggs whenever there is failure in the gratification of any of these desires which one seeks in a love relationship. This is affirmed by the question lovers usually ask themselves, ‘What do you want?’ This problem is best solved by fostering open communication between lovers. But the problem appears to be that two people who claim to be in love are not like minded, that is, they have varying and dissimilar interests so that one is satisfied while the other is not. The force of attraction between a young man and woman before they make first love is as wielding as that between the North pole and South pole of a magnetic field while after sex, this force repels like two North poles. In economics terms, diminishing marginal utility occurs in a love relationship once it is consummated. People are meant to identify what they want in a love relationship even before they move into one.

The discourse of this article is, however, incomplete if an attempt is not made to provide solutions or curb the aforementioned love relationship issues, but the basic nature -this work is a first edition- of this study sets limitation to the extent to which the provision of these solutions reaches. It is believed that any fellow who has this paper within his reach is mature. Tell yourself the truth if you really want to establish intimacy with someone. Introduce her as your girlfriend to your friends if she is, not as your sister. If you don’t want to be so direct, just say she is your lady; that can mean many things. If she dares to ask, then express yourself. If your father had feared he would lose his respect in an attempt to court a lady, you would not have been born because your parents will not marry in the first place. You’re not the first to feel ego or the first to have fear of losing your respect. The attention a lady gives you depends on how you approached her. If she insults you, it’s your fault. You didn’t do your homework. So do your homework; homework is not just meant to be done for academic purposes. This is part of learning too.

A good friend of mine once told me that if I intend to find a mature student lady who is without a man in her life in the University of Nigeria Nsukka, I’ll grow wrinkles and bald searching. This also applies to men looking for ladies who are not yet deflowered. It is rare, difficult if not impossible to find an authentic virgin lady these days. With respect to this, even before you meet a lady, there is someone who must have been there before your arrival. If you show her a tangible reason why you’re the one she should be with, she will leave the other for you. It just lies in being able to discover or find out what it is that she looks out for in a man, especially in you. Make her see that thing and she is all yours. Do not get disappointed if you find out someone else is in the court with you. If there is, that implies competition- complete well then.

Speaking on the issue of broken heartedness and infidelity, I’ve really got nothing much to say about those right now. I’ll deeply and in detail unravel that in my other room, not here in the living room. Just beware of players and kill-joys that hit and run. Further solutions and discussions will be made available in the next edition of this topic. With this, I conclude.

 

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