Should we talk weddings or the awkward things about weddings?

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Should we talk weddings?…OK No,how about the awkward things people don’t notice at first.

Why get married?

This one is not a question I think I am not keen on answering,for starters am not anywhere near getting married,and yes! it does scare the crap outta me (Thanks to Joro’s stories on I.G) but if you think about the lovely things associated with weddings like the asoebi,the decorations,guest, smiley faces (except for angry exes)and the most important of them all, the wedding jollof (because what’s a Nigerian wedding without jollof), it makes getting married the real deal for people.

I mean,say I do and procreate,say I do to companionship and plenty romance,good luck too seeing the same face for the rest of your life😂😂

What am I getting at?

Am here to open your mind to those things most people don’t really focus on when it comes to weddings, yes! For the record, I did attend a wedding, plenty weddings,(because suddenly everyone around me seems to be marching up to the alter).

So I’ll be honest, some weddings were utterly necessary to attend,some were out of respect,but most agreeably tended towards the jollof and the cake…

that’s my own reason, don’t judge me.

Ok- can I go on

*. Why do people pay D.J’s who play only wacky songs

for Christ sakes, it’s a wedding not an all-night concert, like what the goose is going through your head playing “motigbana -by olamide” as a couple’s first dance, and we had to beg oga to change music,broda then stewed it with wizkid fever. Never mind though,as long as my jollof is on my table

* Table setting

Image from https://www.fiftyflowers.com/blog/3-ideas-of-perfect-wedding-table-settings/

So I grab,some people actually take out time to set the table in accordance,but please please please! Am annoyed,stop paring single ladies table with our grandmothers or teenagers and then the Yoruba demon’s and uncle beard gangs table at the end of the Hall.

I get you really don’t want anyone eyeing your wife so early,but pity us and help we the singles to link up, after all it’s not bad if my love story started from your wedding reception.

* Throwing the bouquet of flowers by the bride

Image from http://www.weddinghouse.co.nz/wedding-blog/the-dangerous-art-of-catching-the-wedding-bouquet

If this doesn’t irk you off that you catch flower and then still remain single because guys around will automatically assume that you will mount a “let’s get married” pressure on them,or the fact that the radarada master of ceremony will parade ladies out and then auction us before we all scramble to get the flower after sluggishly dancing to “single ladies by Beyonce”

Frankly speaking , I move the motion that guys should also be filed out,and the groom should throw his tie,or one leg of shoe, that way, we self can auction the men.

*Bride’s train versus groom’s men.

Image from jiji.com

There is no easier way to say this than to be blunt.

It is categorically wrong to have slay hot ladies as your train and the groom’s men will be looking boring,un-handsome,dry or just awkward, and it’s unlawful to have handsome chocolates or fair and lit beard guru (leave me I Sha love beards gang,bearbear kill me) and then your bridal train be looking like zombified make-up chickens.

That couple should be sued under sub section 2, acts 1 of the wedding and asoebi right.

It’s in the Constitution.

*Spraying the money

Image from the thesheet.ng

If you go to weddings where spraying of money is the order of the day, you are sure to see two women with black nylon or polythene bag picking up cash while subconsciously being alert of everyone around them.

What’s so bad in putting the money in the envelope and handing it over to the couple

I know, stop looking at me like am not a Nigerian,people even started using spray gun.

* Food and late guests

We both know that it’s either the meat has finished or there is no space for them to sit down, or the petty ushers keep carrying jollof rice and small chops pass over your table but never stopping.

I guess I kinda like those family members that come with their own food (like they already anticipated it) and let’s be honest, we know that food will never be enough,even if it’s 7 cows and 9bags of rice, miraculous disappearance happens and the fact that big chubby ladies are always the ones in charge of food keeps me curious.

Well more to come on this episode, let me warm my wedding jollof.

Cover photo credit I.g- @adebayoderu to up

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